Behavioral Sciences:


Help, Favor, Plots and Pity

By Javed Ahmad


Many are eager to help. But how can one help another? What is help?


One can help one another in many different ways. A little help at an appropriate time may mean a lot to someone. But why help?


We respond to needs in different ways. Sometimes we help when we see someone in distress, some times we help simply because we are asked to help, and sometimes we do it even before being asked! It all depends on how we feel for one another. But what if that help is geared toward some expectation of gains?


Often times, we help one another in expectation of something in return. Can we consider such 'help' as real help? Or is it a favor? Usually, a return is expected in exchange of favors. But then, can we call it help?


In general, help and favor is not the same thing. Favor is done for selfish reasons, where help is an unselfish act of good will, without any expectations.


Help can however, be for some selfish reasons too. Especially, when it is meant to change someone's attitude or outlook toward something. In other words, when it is geared toward imposing or influencing someone's ideologies. This kind of help is called a plot. In this scenario, one is actually pretending as a helper, but have other motives in their minds. And plots could have either positive or negative effects. Usually, it is done for negative reasons. Because, if one really wants to help someone, why would he or she would have to plot? Why would they have to be secretive?


It takes a lot of bravery and a big heart to be really helpful. Donors are always looked upon highly than the receivers. Similarly, a genuine help without any selfish reason are always a great thing to do. People who are capable of doing so are considered 'special people'. A real help is the one when one takes off his or her only shirt and just gives it away. But if that shirt is an extra one that he or she does not use anyways; then, it isn't help, itís pity. And pity, is an insult.


Tell me something. If you really like someone, and would like to help that person, would you wait 13 years to help him? If you really like him to stay in your country, would you keep him in a prison like situation? Without any rights and freedom? If you really have some respect for a person. would you treat him like a guinea pig? If you really think the person is brilliant and could contribute in your politics and economics, would you plot against him to make sure that he doesn't graduate from college? And even if he does, you vowed not to give him any better than a "C" grade in his college courses no matter how well he performed?


You know what? You all are hypocrites, not true in your intentions. Your intent was to mock the person in every possible way, and to make sure that he doesn't move up. And you wonder, "how does he know?" Don't bother, your help is no longer needed. You had your chance, and you blew it. It's over.


What were you trying to protect? Your so called deceitful good life? The life of hypocrisy? Well, he is also watching and waiting to see how many of your good paying jobs you can save, how many green cards you can save, how many passports you can save. He'll wait and see, how many of you can eventually save your high paying decent jobs, your houses, your cars, your families, and your sovereignty. In the end, when it will be all over, he would like you to come and tell him if it was worth trying to save all that by depriving him from his fair share. Your cost for envy, jealousy and hypocrisy would be lot higher than you think.


"010.049 Say: "I have no power over any harm or profit to myself except as God willeth. To every people is a term appointed: when their term is reached, not an hour can they cause delay, nor (an hour) can they advance (it in anticipation)."


018.059 Such were the populations we destroyed when they committed iniquities; but we fixed an appointed time for their destruction.


029.053 They ask thee to hasten on the Punishment (for them): had it not been for a term (of respite) appointed, the Punishment would certainly have come to them: and it will certainly reach them,- of a sudden, while they perceive not!


040.067 It is He Who has created you from dust then from a sperm-drop, then from a leech-like clot; then does he get you out (into the light) as a child: then lets you (grow and) reach your age of full strength; then lets you become old,- though of you there are some who die before;- and lets you reach a Term appointed; in order that ye may learn wisdom.


044.040 Verily the Day of sorting out is the time appointed for all of them,-

044.041 The Day when no protector can avail his client in aught, and no help can they receive,

044.042 Except such as receive God's Mercy: for He is Exalted in Might, Most Merciful.


046.003 We created not the heavens and the earth and all between them but for just ends, and for a Term Appointed: But those who reject Faith turn away from that whereof they are warned.


050.017 Behold, two (guardian angels) appointed to learn (his doings) learn (and noted them), one sitting on the right and one on the left.


054.003 They reject (the warning) and follow their (own) lusts but every matter has its appointed time.


056.050 "All will certainly be gathered together for the meeting appointed for a Day well-known.


066.006 O ye who believe! save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from God, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.


078.017 Verily the Day of Sorting out is a thing appointed,

078.018 The Day that the Trumpet shall be sounded, and ye shall come forth in crowds;

078.019 And the heavens shall be opened as if there were doors,

078.020 And the mountains shall vanish, as if they were a mirage.


082.010 But verily over you (are appointed angels) to protect you,-

082.011 Kind and honorable,- Writing down (your deeds):

082.012 They know (and understand) all that ye do." (The Holy Qur'an).